Advice: Females who feel they need to have kids by 30

[Art Vandelay]

I have a cousin who is 27, has never lived on her own and thinks she can go to a night school nursing program for 6 weeks, make $25+ an hour and have kids-- soon-- with whoever and be happy.

She feels that biological clock ticking and thinks she needs a kid because she's never accomplished anything else and that will bring love beyond her mom and siblings into her life.

I tried to convince her of the need for stability for both her and a kid but she says having a kid with someone she's known for months could work out and there's no more certainty with a longer relationship because "anything can happen."

She just wants to hurry up and have a kid and hope for the best. She doesn't want to be an old mother or not be a mother at all. Her mom was a teen when she had her, so she thinks she is past old enough even though she has built no foundation.

I'm looking for statistics on a relationship lasting after knowing someone 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Also general arguments to talk some common sense into her would be appreciated.

 

[GAMETHEORY]

 

[BrownTurd]

She is at an age where she can have a kid by herself and it not be an issue

 

[JofromthaNO]

Don't have exact research stats, but I have read before that women who have children after 30 and marry after 30 tend to stay married. Now, of course, there are health risks to having children after 35 (high risk pregnancies, down syndrome, etc.) but, some women have healthy babies at 40. Sounds like she needs to truly write down a "game plan-" a five year, ten year plan and exactly how she wants to accomplish things. Maybe that'll take sitting down with a counselor, but I wouldn't recommend she sit down with an admissions counselor at any of these "get your degree in 2.5 years" schools - they are selling fallacies left and right.

What she is battling is transgenerational trauma - it doesn't appear she has any models to show her that pregnancy and love/marriage occurs after 30. Now, it's harder to find, but it's not impossible. Perhaps getting her involved in some civic/community groups, like alumni chapters of sororities, Jack and Jill, etc. can help her to see that there are different models of what a wife/mother looks like...

 

[hussla's paradice]

She is at an age where she can have a kid by herself and it not be an issue

Shiiiittt. She's gonna bring some heat to playboy. My sister had her first at 31, and she's a piece of work. I feel bad for ole boy.

 

[Varis]

Good luck

 

[Art Vandelay]

Don't have exact research stats, but I have read before that women who have children after 30 and marry after 30 tend to stay married. Now, of course, there are health risks to having children after 35 (high risk pregnancies, down syndrome, etc.) but, some women have healthy babies at 40. Sounds like she needs to truly write down a "game plan-" a five year, ten year plan and exactly how she wants to accomplish things. Maybe that'll take sitting down with a counselor, but I wouldn't recommend she sit down with an admissions counselor at any of these "get your degree in 2.5 years" schools - they are selling fallacies left and right.

What she is battling is transgenerational trauma - it doesn't appear she has any models to show her that pregnancy and love/marriage occurs after 30. Now, it's harder to find, but it's not impossible. Perhaps getting her involved in some civic/community groups, like alumni chapters of sororities, Jack and Jill, etc. can help her to see that there are different models of what a wife/mother looks like...

Bingo.

I don't live in the same state as this cousin, so I can't take her by the hand and get her involved in groups. I'd love to show her something that proves what you said about "women who have children after 30 and marry after 30 tend to stay married."

But it's not even about marriage-- I'd really love to show her that having a kid by someone you've known 5 months is a lot riskier than with someone you've known for 5 years. I didn't see such relationship numbers from the searches I did.

 

[GAMETHEORY]

why do you care?

shes an adult

and wants to make her bed

let her sleep on it


just mind your damn business and get that paper and invest in your future.

 

[Art Vandelay]

why do you care?

shes an adult

and wants to make her bed

let her sleep on it


just mind your damn business and get that paper and invest in your future.

Fuck you. If you don't care, don't participate in the thread. Some adults are children and even real adults need help sometimes. If you only care about yourself, that's you.

 

[Art Vandelay]

Good luck

Thanks...

 

[gameboy]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

 

[ViCiouS]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

most of the women I know that went that route are miserable and some are really getting their asses kicked because of poor planning and their support system (read: mother sisters etc...) got lives of their own

 

[Art Vandelay]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

most of the women I know that went that route are miserable and some are really getting their asses kicked because of poor planning and their support system (read: mother sisters etc...) got lives of their own

I think I at least have a duty to try. If she ends up with a great life, I'll be happy; if she ends up miserable, I don't want to be one of the people who made no effort to help.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Jo said everything i could say besides my astonishment of why you'd make this post here. Of all the places you could've gone on the net. Here. HeMan Woman Haters Club.

lol. I got married at 33. Had my daughter at 39. So far so good. Still married. But i married someones i love. I married because our goals were the same. Our beliefs were the same. You may not be the best person to tell her this. There's no one else in the family(female)? That can speak to this woman?

After 30 people begin putting alot of pressure on you. And it's a societal pressure that builds on us. Everything Jo said was right as well. Those be a nurse in 2 years shits ain't worth a single solitary damn.

And good to you for wanting to help family.

 

[mariano42]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

^^^^
Thread/

Women are emotional creatures and will always make decisions when it comes to dating with emotions rather than logic. Look at Ciara having a child with Future and becoming the 20th baby mother in that stable .

You got a better chance of winning an argument with them Black Israelites that be posted up in Union Square than to convince a woman to use logic for these situations.

 

[easy_b]

After 35 is the danger zone for most women especially if they never had kids

 

[Amajorfucup]

I can waste my time typing advice for her and you can waste your time reading. But i wont. What i will tell you is that she is a lost cause, and nothing you say to her will change her mind. Partially because she doesnt want to change it and partially because its coming from you (someone equally clueless on matters of male/female relationships). She will figure out the hard way. Either by a failed relationship that results in a bastard kid she struggles to raise. Or by her being a lonely, barely financial independent, 35year old nurse still chasing the magical dream of a instant man and baby.

 

[Sampson]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

This. Women already have enough pressure from society; how they look, eat, career, having children. Us men really don't know how good we have it. I'm deadly serious. When I hear guys complaining about their lives, 99% leads back to not getting laid: Edit: or poor decisions WE made. If we all could get laid living in a cardboard box, most guys would have nothing to complain about. Women have to keep looking at their clock as well as deal with bullshit from us guys (I'm guilty of adding to that)

Sometimes, just sometimes, I can understand their emotional logic. It's a lot harder being a woman, especially in this Western society,

 

[JofromthaNO]

This. Women already have enough pressure from society; how they look, eat, career, having children. Us men really don't know how good we have it. I'm deadly serious. When I hear guys complaining about their lives, 99% leads back to not getting laid. If we all could get laid living in a cardboard box, most guys would have nothing to complain about. Women have to keep looking at their clock as well as deal with bullshit from us guys (I'm guilty of adding to that)

Sometimes, just sometimes, I can understand their emotional logic. It's a lot harder being a woman, especially in this Western society,

The bolded part is so real...as I've gotten older and realize how much my "worth" sits on my looks (and I've got a man!,) it's so astonishing how much worth and value my life WOULDN'T or DOESN'T have if I don't have a husband, a child, a family, etc. Another woman at my job is the same age, has two kids on me, and there isn't a day where I don't get asked the question about where my kids are, or, "hey, that'll be you soon" comments. What if I don't want to have kids or, worse, if I want them, but can't HAVE them? No one thinks about that but we're constantly pushed these images of what it means to be a woman...

Years ago, the reason why I became active on BGOL (and still post from time to time) is because at least here I can express myself (for the most part) freely and don't have to act like the person someone THINKS I am supposed to be strictly because of my gender...

...okay, off soap box...back to the porn!

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

Jo said everything i could say besides my astonishment of why you'd make this post here. Of all the places you could've gone on the net. Here. HeMan Woman Haters Club.

lol. I got married at 33. Had my daughter at 39. So far so good. Still married. But i married someones i love. I married because our goals were the same. Our beliefs were the same. You may not be the best person to tell her this. There's no one else in the family(female)? That can speak to this woman?

After 30 people begin putting alot of pressure on you. And it's a societal pressure that builds on us. Everything Jo said was right as well. Those be a nurse in 2 years shits ain't worth a single solitary damn.

And good to you for wanting to help family.

Thought your husband died bitch???? Can't keep your lies straight bitch?


Bro just keep it 100 with her and call it a day...she either listens or she doesn't.

 

[The Untouchable GDFOLKS]

The bolded part is so real...as I've gotten older and realize how much my "worth" sits on my looks (and I've got a man!,) it's so astonishing how much worth and value my life WOULDN'T or DOESN'T have if I don't have a husband, a child, a family, etc. Another woman at my job is the same age, has two kids on me, and there isn't a day where I don't get asked the question about where my kids are, or, "hey, that'll be you soon" comments. What if I don't want to have kids or, worse, if I want them, but can't HAVE them? No one thinks about that but we're constantly pushed these images of what it means to be a woman...

Years ago, the reason why I became active on BGOL (and still post from time to time) is because at least here I can express myself (for the most part) freely and don't have to act like the person someone THINKS I am supposed to be strictly because of my gender...

...okay, off soap box...back to the porn!

Get that weak ass shit out of here!

Women are "pressured" because they always want to fit in or keep up with the Jones!

If women didn't give a fuck what anybody thought that wasn't paying their bills they wouldn't have so many problems that cause anxiety!

Do you and thats all you have to do! It is your life.

 

[max-dawg]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

this ^^^ all day.

if they 'feel' something, they're gonna roll with it.
if something is 'cute' they're gonna buy it (or give it some pussy).
if their head says no but heart says yes, the heart usually wins about 80% of the time.

and when the shit hits the fan, it's ALWAYS some man's fault. blee dat.

This. Women already have enough pressure from society; how they look, eat, career, having children. Us men really don't know how good we have it. I'm deadly serious. When I hear guys complaining about their lives, 99% leads back to not getting laid: Edit: or poor decisions WE made. If we all could get laid living in a cardboard box, most guys would have nothing to complain about. Women have to keep looking at their clock as well as deal with bullshit from us guys (I'm guilty of adding to that)

Sometimes, just sometimes, I can understand their emotional logic. It's a lot harder being a woman, especially in this Western society,

sorry dude, but i can't roll with all those excuses being handed to women just because they own a vagina.

they want equal treatment, equal pay, equal standing, etc. then, they deserve equal responsibility and accountability for the decisions they've made in life.

enough with the excuses.

furthermore, MEN don't put all that pressure on women... WOMEN put it on each other...competing with themselves to get attention from men. they don't know what men want... they THINK they do.

 

[godofwine]

She is at an age where she can have a kid by herself and it not be an issue

bullshit. Any woman who is young and without kids I tell him to hold the fuck off. don't no man who doesn't have kids want a woman with kids.finding a mature woman without kids nowadays is like finding a needle in a haystack and then trying to find an identical needle in a whole bunch of other haystacks.

and these women that talk about wanting to have someone love them outside of their mother and siblings, that's not what parenthood or motherhood is. Parenthood and motherhood is a bunch of goddamn work, and it's even harder by yourself because no one is prepared to take on the full bearing of that load by themselves. kids are some selfish ass greedy ass bastards, and they are unappreciative as hell. combine that with someone who thinks that this child is supposed to love them without unconditionally is a recipe for disaster.

there are still men in their late 20s and 30s who didn't fuck up their lives by having kids by someone they regret now because they are not with them. men don't want bitches with babies, I don't give a fuck how fine she is a man would rather have her without a goddamn kid towing behind that isn't his. so many of these fucking women are out here trying to put the cart before the horse, and as often as I have seen it it has been shown that a cart before the horse does not fucking go.

 

[godofwine]

oh, and a 27 year old woman who is never lived on her own, and therefore does not have a true concept of responsibility or consequences is another recipe for disaster.wanting to rush to have a baby so she is not an old mother? that is something I never thought about as being the downside of having a baby as a teenager, it is far too often a cycle which starts in the mind of the child. the idea that, "my mama did it so it can't be that hard," comes into far too many young woman's minds. yeah, your mama did it, but she did it struggling with you barely eating sometimes and without much of the comforts and many other necessities of a true household.this is a big part of the psychological dysfunction in poor community

 

[godofwine]

you think you are actually gonna present a woman with some facts or logic & she's gonna listen to you,, the way a woman "feels" trumps everything,, she's basically gonna find out the hard way, or prove you wrong

& she has good reason to feel that she's right,, for the 1st time in history we have more women having children out of wedlock than married,, we are officially a child support society now

most of the women I know that went that route are miserable and some are really getting their asses kicked because of poor planning and their support system (read: mother sisters etc...) got lives of their own

vicious, you speak the damn truth. Church

 

[Art Vandelay]

I don't need help realizing how bad the situation is... Nobody has ever helped or seen someone help a family member with this mentality? I don't think its all that rare.

 

[mailboxpimp]

I have a cousin who is 27, has never lived on her own and thinks she can go to a night school nursing program for 6 weeks, make $25+ an hour and have kids-- soon-- with whoever and be happy.

She feels that biological clock ticking and thinks she needs a kid because she's never accomplished anything else and that will bring love beyond her mom and siblings into her life.

I tried to convince her of the need for stability for both her and a kid but she says having a kid with someone she's known for months could work out and there's no more certainty with a longer relationship because "anything can happen."

She just wants to hurry up and have a kid and hope for the best. She doesn't want to be an old mother or not be a mother at all. Her mom was a teen when she had her, so she thinks she is past old enough even though she has built no foundation.

I'm looking for statistics on a relationship lasting after knowing someone 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Also general arguments to talk some common sense into her would be appreciated.

#1. Your cousin is a past stupid dumb bitch!
#2. Most of the times silly bitches like her have some good head & pussy!
#3. Post some pics!

 

[mailboxpimp]

There is no cure for stupid!

 

[bgbtylvr]

Chick I'm close to is 39 and wants to have at least one. Told her she made it this far, why fuck it up now. She's free. Do what she want when de want. She wants a kid. Couldn't even smash. Desire is gone. Too risky to be getting pregnant at damn near 40. Pass.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[vainglorious]

I have a cousin just like this. She likes mostly women (gay) but wanted a baby. What you gonna do for real? My cousin got pregnant by a jail bird and just like you said she holds her son up now as "saving her" from running the streets, and she kinda has a point. Before she had her son, she was IN the streets college drop out with not a lot of options. Having her son didnt give her more options, but it took away a lot of bad options, made her slow down and make raising a son a priority.

This shit happens nowadays man. And in my experience, you can't really change how she feel (especially being a family member), the only way it could change is if some GOOD dude got to her first and made an honest woman out of her. That is probably how I may have gone about it when I faced this with my cousin. Try an put GOOD people good men around her that hopefully she takes a liking to one. Play the matchmaker and try to make the baby daddy a good dude, because she IS GOING to have that baby, one way or another.

 

[Mello Mello]

I have a cousin who is 27, has never lived on her own and thinks she can go to a night school nursing program for 6 weeks, make $25+ an hour and have kids-- soon-- with whoever and be happy.

She feels that biological clock ticking and thinks she needs a kid because she's never accomplished anything else and that will bring love beyond her mom and siblings into her life.

I tried to convince her of the need for stability for both her and a kid but she says having a kid with someone she's known for months could work out and there's no more certainty with a longer relationship because "anything can happen."

She just wants to hurry up and have a kid and hope for the best. She doesn't want to be an old mother or not be a mother at all. Her mom was a teen when she had her, so she thinks she is past old enough even though she has built no foundation.

I'm looking for statistics on a relationship lasting after knowing someone 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Also general arguments to talk some common sense into her would be appreciated.

I had one like this she was getting compliance on a regular for telling me that. She was a nurse too. Anxious to have a kid by 30. She was married young but didn't have any kids in the marriage. Most of her sisters and cousins had kids in their early 20's so she was feeling left out. But didn't care who she had a kid with as long as she had one. I told her she hasn't even lived yet or done anything with her life to be so anxious to have a kid. Told her to go travel and experience life more before deciding to do so. She took my advice and now she is flying all over and out the country. She needs to develop patience because kids are a big responsibility she doenst want on her own. When she pays a visit I still strap up and make sure I get compliance tho.

 

[marca]

Get that weak ass shit out of here!

Women are "pressured" because they always want to fit in or keep up with the Jones!

If women didn't give a fuck what anybody thought that wasn't paying their bills they wouldn't have so many problems that cause anxiety!

Do you and thats all you have to do! It is your life.

The exact shit I say to every female i care about including my woman, stop worrying so much about what you think others are thinking cause I aint never ever once seen any of those people cross the door with a bag of groceries .

 

[Afr0kan]

why do u care so much bruh? its her pussy and her life.. if she wants to be dumb its bcus she already choose up... i doubt if she'll even care about the statistics if you had em right in front of her face. she choose up playa move onto the next family member

 

[Mello Mello]

Get that weak ass shit out of here!

Women are "pressured" because they always want to fit in or keep up with the Jones!

If women didn't give a fuck what anybody thought that wasn't paying their bills they wouldn't have so many problems that cause anxiety!

Do you and thats all you have to do! It is your life.

 

[WhenTheGoingGetsTtuff]

Thought your husband died bitch???? Can't keep your lies straight bitch?


Bro just keep it 100 with her and call it a day...she either listens or she doesn't.

Which 1 are you?