The Girly Thread Redux...

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
Dear selfish SOBs of the world, Black women are not your emotional trash dumpsters.

People have a terrible habit of assuming every Black woman they know is their emotional dumping ground. Hell no, we’re not.

Black women don’t want your negative energy around us at work, at home, at temple/church or even in the air we breathe. Some of us won’t even eat your nasty ass food at potlucks because it reeks of cat hair and sadness. We don’t want to hear your sob stories. We don’t care if your boyfriend doesn’t like chocolate or your dog Fluffy got humped at the dog park. We’ve already been to the five-star restaurant you seem to think we can’t afford even though we make more money and have more passport stamps than you. We are not healing stones or energy providers. We’re damn humans and we want to be left alone.

Let’s talk about you energy suckers at work. Stay away from a Black woman’s door or cubicle. If you want to talk about work, fine. Set up a meeting or send an email. Everything else is a waste of time. Talk to a Black woman in the hall about your home life? Nah son, she can’t get away with the sh** you do because a Black woman is the last one hired and the first one fired. We go to work because we enjoy the work we do and we want to get paid. That’s it. Some of us pretend to like the energy drainers for our performance reviews. If we aren’t nice, they’d call us angry Black women, so we’ve learned how to play the game. I’m good at pretend smiling when deep down I can’t wait until 5:00 pm so I wouldn’t have to see their face for another 19 hours. But that’s me.

One more thing and this has been burning my biscuits for years and is a bit off track but folks at work seem to take pity on single Black women. Don’t! First of all, we’re not your project. We built ourselves up. Don’t you see how bright my confidence shines? The next point might be surprising. Despite what 3x married Steve Harvey says, some of us like being single so please stop trying to hooking up every Black woman with the security guard because are both Black. He may be a “good man” who seems safe because he is paid $9.00 an hour to smile at your ass, but we have nothing in common except being Black. I have an idea. Why don’t you date his ass since he’s such a catch?

For those of you who think Black women are ATMs, your saviors, your babysitters, backbones or your punching bags, you’re dead wrong. Needing help is one thing, but using Black women is something else. Shoot! We need help too. Take your lazy behind to social services and get the help you need. If you have a partner or spouse, go to them. HUMAN SERVICES —> https://www.hhs.gov/programs/index.html USE IT

You offended? Good! Entitled? You’re gonna learn Black women have the right to protect our space and setting boundaries. Stop dumping your crap on Black women. One more question. When was the last time you asked a Black woman who’s helped you if she needed anything? I lied. Second question! When was the last time you said, I’m going help my sister/daughter/wife/aunt out? Let me answer for you. Never! Because you’re selfish as hell. This trash effects our mental and physical health, and you’re running us into the ground. Have you seen the statistics in health categories? Maybe you want that. Today I’m saying no mas. We’re going to live.

Look, if you need to talk, hire a therapist. If you need a sitter, hire one. If you want to be a real friend, ask us how we’re doing and listen to Black women.

What do you think?

The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

http://bougieblackgirl.com/dear-sel...women-are-not-your-emotional-trash-dumpsters/
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
10 Everyday Things That Can Affect Your Period
You know birth control, pregnancy, and certain health conditions can wreak havoc on your cycle, but these less suspecting culprits could be to blame too


If your period changed, became heavier, lighter, longer, or less frequent, would you notice? Paying attention to changes in your cycle provides a clue into your overall health. While some issues, such as stress, may temporarily affect your period and resolve on their own, others can indicate a more serious health problem that needs to be addressed. “I always recommend patients download a period tracker app on their phone,” says Eduardo Lara-Torre, M.D., an ob-gyn at Carilion Clinic in Virginia. “It’s important to understand what’s normal for you so you can identify when something isn’t right.” Addressing any menstrual changes early on can prevent them from getting worse so you can sail smoothly through your monthly flow.

RELATED: Your Brain On: Your Menstrual Cycle

A Serious Stressor
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You’ve heard that stress can mess with your cycle. But although they’re not exactly good for you, daily hassles (you know: commuting, deadlines, presentations) are unlikely to impact your cycle. “It often takes a one-time extraordinarily stressful event to create an abnormal period,” Lara-Torre says. Think: Death of a family member, loss of your job, divorce, or illness. There may be an evolutionary explanation behind this phenomenon: When you’re focused on survival (whether the threat is a saber tooth tiger or paying your mortgage) your body and brain shut down the hormones needed to make your body ovulate in order to prevent reproduction in a threatening environment, Lara-Torre says. (Very cool.)

Excess Exercise
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Working out for hours a day may put your periods on hold. Your body perceives excess exercise as an extreme stressor and may put the kibosh on the monthly hormonal symphony it’s used to producing. “You need a certain amount of body fat to ovulate, so if your body fat dips too low you may stop ovulating,” says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. You may notice you don’t get your period at all or you get it a few times per year on an unpredictable schedule.

RELATED: 9 Good Reasons to Skip Your Workout

Alcohol
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A few boozy nights out could leave you with more lasting effects than a string of killer hangovers. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, drinking, even in amounts that won’t cause damage to your liver or other organs, can cause irregular menstrual cycles. Alcohol may temporarily increase levels of estrogen and testosterone, which may disrupt with the normal hormonal fluctuations necessary for ovulation. As a result, your periods may become irregular or even M.I.A. Researchers aren’t sure how much alcohol it takes to disrupt your cycle—the quantity likely varies from woman to woman, but sticking to the guideline of one drink or less per day is the best way to keep your pinot from interfering with your period.

Weight Gain
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Rapid weight gain, such as packing on 50 pounds over the course of a few months, can throw your hormones for a loop. “With weight gain, your ovaries start producing extra testosterone,” Minkin says. “This can prevent ovulation, so you may have very long cycles or skip your period altogether.”

Infections
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An infection won’t impact your cycle on a hormonal level, but it can cause bleeding and make you think you’re getting your period more frequently than normal. “Bacterial infections, pelvic inflammatory disease, and sexually transmitted infections can cause the inside of your uterus to become inflamed and bleed,” Lara-Torre says. “You’ll still get your regular period, but you may bleed in between because of the infection.” You may even experience cramping because the uterus perceives bleeding as an irritant. If the bleeding seems random and you experience any other signs of an infection such as painful urination, pain or tenderness in your abdomen, pain or itching in your vagina, unusual discharge, fever, or vomiting, pay a visit to your gyno.

RELATED: 7 Conversations You Must Have for a Healthy Sex Life

Anti-Depressants or Anti-Psychotics
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Antidepressants and anti-psychotic medications can disrupt your cycle and cause you to skip periods or get them more frequently. “Many of these medications elevate a pituitary hormone called prolactin, which can alter other hormones in your body that regulate your cycle,” Minkin says.

Shift Work
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In a study of 119,000 women, researchers found that those working evenings and nights had a 33 percent higher risk of menstrual problems such as irregular periods and fluctuations in how long they lasted. The more your work schedule fluctuates, the more likely you are to experience problematic periods. One study found that women who worked rotating shifts were 23 percent more likely to have very short cycles (less than 21 days) or very long ones (40 days or more) than those who followed a more set schedule (even if they worked nights), the journal Epidemiology reports. One explanation is that shift work disrupts your body’s circadian rhythm, which controls a variety of biological functions including your menstrual cycle.

Thyroid Disorder
thyroid-disorder-700.jpg

Thinkstock
In a study of 119,000 women, researchers found that those working evenings and nights had a 33 percent higher risk of menstrual problems such as irregular periods and fluctuations in how long they lasted. The more your work schedule fluctuates, the more likely you are to experience problematic periods. One study found that women who worked rotating shifts were 23 percent more likely to have very short cycles (less than 21 days) or very long ones (40 days or more) than those who followed a more set schedule (even if they worked nights), the journal Epidemiology reports. One explanation is that shift work disrupts your body’s circadian rhythm, which controls a variety of biological functions including your menstrual cycle.

Smoking
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Thinkstock
Women who smoke experience much worse PMS than women who don’t, according to researchers at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. Your risk of developing PMS climbs the more you smoke and the younger you were when you first started puffing. According to researchers, smoking may alter levels of estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and other hormones involved in the development of PMS. Women who smoke also have shorter and more irregular menstrual cycles than non-smokers.

The good news: You can actually use your menstrual cycle to help you quit. Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine found that women who quit smoking during days one and 14 of their menstrual cycle experienced less severe withdrawal symptoms than those who quit between day 14 and the start of their next period.

PCOS
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Thinkstock
Do you have long, unpredictable, or M.I.A. periods? Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) may be to blame. The condition affects as many as 10 percent of women of childbearing age. PCOS is a hormonal imbalance in which the ovaries produce too much testosterone, which blocks ovulation. “When you don’t ovulate, you don’t get the release of progesterone, which causes you to get your period,” Minkin says. PCOS is the most common cause of infertility in women. Here’s the thing: Even if you had regular periods before, for unknown reasons you may spontaneously develop PCOS. In addition to long and irregular periods, other signs of PCOS include acne, excessive hair growth, and weight gain. Discuss your symptoms with your doctor. While birth control pills can help regulate your cycle, PCOS is associated with other serious health conditions such as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, and more.

http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind...eefd029a&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member


It was over a plate of ribs at my aunt’s dining room table when I learned that being a woman is about what men are allowed to do to you. I was 15 years old. Mike Tyson was the most famous boxer in the world.

For the black people I knew, he was the pinnacle of the black sports elite. He had been born poor and worked his way to riches and fame. But it was 1992 and he had just been found guilty of raping an 18-year-old named Desiree Washington in a hotel.

“Y’all act like she’s a woman,” my cousin said. “She is — excuse me, Auntie — a ho.”

That’s what I remember most, next to the ribs. My cousin was defending a convicted rapist to a room full of black women, all but one related to him. The elder women shook their heads. The elder men left the room, knowing a fool’s errand when they saw one unfolding.

My cousin was feeling himself. Young and approaching fatherhood, he stood his ground. Desiree Washington was a ho, bringing down a black man who had made it.

“What was she doing in the hotel room?” he asked.

“She could have been butt naked in that room and it shouldn’t matter,” I replied.

He explained how I was different from Ms. Washington mainly by telling me that she was a ho, and implying that I was not a ho by what he left unsaid. There are hoes and then there are women. As a teenager I could go either way. But as a relative I could go only one way: I would not be a ho.

I was not angry, but I was hurt. “What if your girlfriend is pregnant right now with your daughter?” I asked. “A girl?”

“No daughter of mine would be raised to go to a hotel room. I ain’t raising no ho.”

It was then that I learned black girls like me can never truly be victims of sexual predators. And also that the men in my life were also men in the world. Men can be your cousin, men can be Mike Tyson, and men can be both of them at the same time.

That resonated with me recently as new accusations against the R&B singer R. Kelly emerged. For decades, he has faced allegations of child molesting, sexual violence and abuse (in 2008 in Chicago, for instance, he was found not guilty of child pornography charges). This month, the families of two young women have accused Mr. Kelly of holding their daughters against their will, which one of the women has denied.

Whether or not the accusations are true, Mr. Kelly’s history with women is still soul-crushing: He surreptitiously married the singer Aaliyah when she was 15. He admitted to having had sexual relations with young women whose age he cannot or will not verify. And he has portrayed himself as a Svengali too likable to be a sexual predator. As we once did around our big family table, millions of his fans colluded in that portrayal.

I was older when R. Kelly became the sexual predator du jour. Still, I heard the stories. I lived in Chicago for a year in the early 2000s, and the rumors were everywhere. I heard about the McDonald’s near a middle school where he supposedly liked to troll for young women who could go either way.

I remember the stories about Aaliyah. That was before the internet when we had to work much harder to spread salacious innuendo. And I fought with friends, men who I adored and respected, when videotapes of R. Kelly having sex with what appeared to be an underage girl were being peddled on street corners.

At a house party, the men laughed when I announced I didn’t want us to watch the video, but they finally acquiesced when I displayed the telltale signs of female rage. It was as if a “crazy woman” was a fair reason not to watch child pornography, but my request was not. I still remember the one guy whose comment about the girl on the cover of the videotape cut through the nervous laughter.

“Look at that body. She almost ready,” he said.

Almost ready.

That’s the kind of comment I have heard hundreds, if not thousands, of times, from men and women, to excuse violence against black women and girls. If one is “ready” for what a man wants from her, then by merely existing she has consented to his treatment of her. Puberty becomes permission.

All women in our culture are subject to this kind of symbolic violence, when people judge their bodies to decide if they deserve abuse. But for black women and girls that treatment is refracted through history and today’s context.

New research corroborates what black women have long known: People across gender and race see black girls as more adultlike than their white peers. In her book “Pushout,” Monique W. Morris shows that teachers and administrators don’t give black girls the care and protection they need. Left to navigate school by themselves because they are “grown,” these girls are easily manipulated by men.

This cycle of neglect and abuse is mostly ignored in social and education policy because the violence is often sexual and it happens to girls whom society views as disposable. We rarely focus on how programs are failing black women and girls, or how we could intervene to help.

When President Barack Obama created a task force for young black men in 2014, it took months of demands by black women for a similar task force to be created for young black women. Even then, the girls’ task force did not receive equal attention or funding.

Watching men I love turn a girl into a woman and a woman into a ho has never left me. That conversation at my aunt’s dinner table was not the first time I felt deeply afraid, but it left a cut that will never heal. It’s the kind of wound that keeps you alert to every potential doorway through which you might enter as a friend, sister or woman, but leave as a bitch or a ho.

People of color are similarly hypervigilant when we navigate a white social world. We screen our jokes, our laughter, our emotions and our baggage. We constantly manage complex social interactions so we aren’t fired, isolated, misunderstood, miscast or murdered. We can come home, if you’re lucky enough to have a home, and turn off that setting.

But for black girls, home is both refuge and where your most intimate betrayals happen. You cannot turn off that setting. It is the dining room at your family’s house, served with a side of your uncle’s famous ribs. Home is where they love you until you’re a ho.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
Black Women Are More Confident Than Any Other Group of Females: Survey
By
Shaun Dreisbach
August 1, 2017 8:00 am
Glamour teamed up with L’Oréal Paris to conduct a survey of 2,000 women in all 50 states that takes an in-depth look at the factors that buoy and undermine our confidence. Our 50 States of Women series breaks down some of the surprising findings and explores the issues that connect and divide us in 2017.


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In survey question after survey question, a pattern emerged: Black women consistently reported higher self-esteem than white or Hispanic women and—among other things—they were far more likely to describe themselves as successful (44 percent said so, compared with 30 percent of white women and 21 percent of Hispanic) and beautiful (59 percent, versus 25 and 32 percent). That’s consistent with other studies, says Jean Twenge, Ph.D., who has examined the effect of race on self-confidence. “Research shows black women score higher on self-esteem than women of other races and ethnicities, which may seem surprising, given the long history of prejudice and discrimination they have faced," she said.

Jasmine Zapata, 30, a pediatrician from Madison, Wisconsin, understands that phenomenon and says her family helped build her self-confidence. “I was brought up to be resilient and tough and to make it work despite your circumstances,” she says. “That definitely [raised] my confidence and optimism.”

Black women also think more positively about themselves and their bodies when they look in the mirror: 56 percent say “I am proud of the person I am becoming,” and 47 percent say “I am happy the way that I am.” (For white women, those figures are just 37 and 34 percent.) “Growing up, black women are taught you’re strong, you’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re enough—and that mind-set is passed down from generation to generation as a defense mechanism against discrimination,” says Twenge. “The more confident you are, the better equipped you’ll be to deal with racism.”

That may also explain why black women celebrated their curves long before body acceptance became a fashionable marketing campaign or empowering hashtag. “In the black community, curves are admired,” says Kosolu Ananti, 34, a fitness instructor from Dallas.

And Alicia White, a 30-year-old executive director of a nonprofit in New York City, says that in her experience, “no one’s judging you based on your weight or anything else. My mother instilled in me that I should feel beautiful and confident and be proud of my features because they were passed down by my ancestors.”

That internal confidence, African American women say, can be a powerful antidote to a culture that sometimes feels hostile. “Based on what we go through as a minority group,” Ananti says, “we have insecurities, but we try not to let them damage our overall self-esteem.”



https://www.glamour.com/story/black...ge&utm_medium=Black+Women's+Health+Imperative
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member


A Man Signed His Work Emails With A Female Name For 2 Weeks And His Life Sucked
Maria Guido
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Man confirms sexism exists, women everywhere say ‘No Sh*t’
If you think workplace sexism doesn’t exist, allow this man’s story to change your mind. Since we only listen to men about this stuff anyway, it’s a good thing he’s telling it.

Nicole Hallberg and her co-worker/friend Martin R. Schneider had an email mixup a few weeks ago: Martin’s email signature was somehow set to Nicole’s name. He noticed a client was treating him in a way he wasn’t accustomed to being treated: like shit. Nicole and Martin decided to switch signatures for a couple weeks as an experiment; to see how their professional lives would change.

Nicole wrote a post about the experience on Medium. “We switched signatures for a week. Nothing changed, except that our clients read me as male and Marty as female. I had one of the easiest weeks of my professional life. He… didn’t.” Essentially, Marty was abused by clients who usually treated him with respect. Nicole’s week was a breeze. Marty took to Twitter to explain exactly what happened.

It went viral, because of course it did. When a man co-signs that sexism exists, it makes news. When a women does it, it’s just another Monday.

“So here’s a little story of the time @nickyknacks taught me how impossible it is for professional women to get the respect they deserve,” the story begins.

“So one day I’m emailing a client back-and-forth about his resume and he is just being IMPOSSIBLE. Rude, dismissive, ignoring my questions,” Martin writes. “Telling me his methods were the industry standards (they weren’t) and I couldn’t understand the terms he used (I could)… Anyway I was getting sick of his shit when I noticed something. Thanks to our shared inbox, I’d been signing all communications as ‘Nicole.'”

“It was Nicole he was being rude to, not me,” he explains. “So out of curiosity I said ‘Hey this is Martin, I’m taking over this project for Nicole.’ IMMEDIATE IMPROVEMENT. Positive reception, thanking me for suggestions, responds promptly, saying ‘great questions!’ Became a model client.”

Interesting.

“Note: My technique and advice never changed. The only difference was that I had a man’s name now,” Martin clarifies. That’s when they decided on the “experiment.” He writes,”For two weeks we switched names. I signed all client emails as Nicole. She signed as me.
Folks. It fucking sucked.”

Martin describes the week as “hell.” He was constantly second guessed, clients were condescending, and one even asked if he was single. As for Nicole? “Nicole had the most productive week of her career. I realized the reason she took longer is bc she had to convince clients to respect her.”

It’s frustrating as hell that it takes a man to point this out to make it a story. Let’s be clear, this isn’t Martin’s fault. Martin is what we call an “ally.” He’s not experiencing the injustice himself, but he’s calling it out. Allies are vital for any movement.

But wouldn’t it be great if we could say, “Hey, I’m an experienced, qualified, loyal worker — and you’re treating me like shit” and be taken as seriously as the man who just said it?

“We take this shit over and over and over again out of fear of the men in power, and it helps perpetuate it,” Nicole told The Huffington Post. “I’ll always be understanding of a woman who doesn’t want to or can’t afford to stick her neck out.”

You can read the whole viral Twitter thread below.


https://twitter.com/i/moments/839950218099576832
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
4 Ways the Strong Black Woman Syndrome Keeps Us Broke and Broken

by Kara Leave a Comment

Dollarphotoclub_63549490-683x1024.jpg


Strong Black Woman Syndrome (SBWS) calls on Black women to be the problem-solvers, chief caretakers and “end all, be all” for everyone in their lives sans support and respite. Essentially, the Strong Black Women Syndrome demands that Black women never buckle, never feel vulnerable, and most importantly, never, ever put their own needs above anyone else’s—not their children’s, not their community’s, not the people for whom they work—no matter how detrimental it is to their well-being.

As a community, we’re slowly coming to terms with the emotional and spiritual dis-ease this syndrome has on the Black women it envelops. Sadly though, we continue to fall short in analyzing its ravishing financial implications, though they are numerous and quite glaring.

When we fully unpack the acute financial downside of this unrealistic cultural expectation and tired trope, we can clearly see that SBWS leaves Black women and the families they support not only broke, but also broken. Here are four ways.

1. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome produces financial underachievers. In many a family, Black women are subsidizing the financial lives of adult children, grandchildren and spouses all on one income. This phenomenon creates wealth hubs instead of wealth webs. With wealth hubs, Black women’s incomes are at the epicenter of wealth and capital in their immediate networks. This phenomenon jeopardizes and threatens the stability of families led by Black women, because there’s little financial reinforcement created to buffer financial strain placed on one income or set of resources. It’s also nearly impossible to spread financial risk equitably if there is only one source of income.

Wealth webs, on the other hand, occur when family members are connected to other family members with growing assets, thus creating a strong network of capital and resources. When there are several sources of income, opportunities for wealth creation become easier to create.

Related: The Unmasking the Strong Black Woman Workshop

2. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome stifles business expansion. For Black women with this complex, there’s the distorted belief that they shouldn’t ask for help. An aspiring entrepreneur with SBWS is often uncomfortable with asking for support—seed money, a referral, or child care support—because she considers it a sign of weakness or believes she can’t depend on anyone but herself.

Failure to speak up for what’s needed to expand a business cripples its growth. Period. In the event that an entrepreneur with this syndrome reaches out for help, it’s usually too late, and she loses out on key industry connections, slowing down the trajectory of expansion by years or creating less-than-ideal business agreements.

3. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome encourages impulse-buying and emotional spending. It’s a law of nature: whatever is repressed never goes away. Ever. In fact, when whatever is pushed down finally surfaces, it tends to explode with the same pressure with which it was forced to quell.

When a Black woman living under SBWS seeks an outlet for all of the emotional and financial caregiving she gives to others, it’s usually online, at a dealership, or at a mall. And usually, what she buys to comfort her soul and spirit isn’t cheap. The cost of the purchase can be in direct relation to the feelings of neglect, overwhelm and resentment.

In other words, the more pain she feels, the bigger and more expensive the reward.

4. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome models financial dysfunction and passes down a maladaptive money relationship to the next generation. When children observe financial martyrdom in the money behaviors of women in their lives, they emulate these practices as adults. Girls grow to be these women; boys grow up to marry them.

Related: Unmasking the Strong Black Woman: 16 Essays to Manage Emotional Health, Build Wealth, and Live a Juicy Life

As a personal finance coach, I work with adult Black women who, despite their age, continue to harbor rancor against their mothers for their current financial predicament. In a recent coaching session, a self-proclaimed “recovering Strong Black Woman” shared that she learned to take on a disproportionate amount of her household expenses—using all of her salary for bills and living in an unhappy financial silence in a rocky marriage— because she saw her mother do the same with her father when she was a girl.

The Strong Black Woman Syndrome is a racist and sexist archetype created to emotionally and financially marginalize Black women. It keeps Black women far from emotional happiness and financial wellness, thus limiting access to their full humanity. Beware.


http://www.thefrugalfeminista.com/4...&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=ReviveOldPost
 

playahaitian

Rising Star
Certified Pussy Poster
4 Ways the Strong Black Woman Syndrome Keeps Us Broke and Broken

by Kara Leave a Comment

Dollarphotoclub_63549490-683x1024.jpg


Strong Black Woman Syndrome (SBWS) calls on Black women to be the problem-solvers, chief caretakers and “end all, be all” for everyone in their lives sans support and respite. Essentially, the Strong Black Women Syndrome demands that Black women never buckle, never feel vulnerable, and most importantly, never, ever put their own needs above anyone else’s—not their children’s, not their community’s, not the people for whom they work—no matter how detrimental it is to their well-being.

As a community, we’re slowly coming to terms with the emotional and spiritual dis-ease this syndrome has on the Black women it envelops. Sadly though, we continue to fall short in analyzing its ravishing financial implications, though they are numerous and quite glaring.

When we fully unpack the acute financial downside of this unrealistic cultural expectation and tired trope, we can clearly see that SBWS leaves Black women and the families they support not only broke, but also broken. Here are four ways.

1. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome produces financial underachievers. In many a family, Black women are subsidizing the financial lives of adult children, grandchildren and spouses all on one income. This phenomenon creates wealth hubs instead of wealth webs. With wealth hubs, Black women’s incomes are at the epicenter of wealth and capital in their immediate networks. This phenomenon jeopardizes and threatens the stability of families led by Black women, because there’s little financial reinforcement created to buffer financial strain placed on one income or set of resources. It’s also nearly impossible to spread financial risk equitably if there is only one source of income.

Wealth webs, on the other hand, occur when family members are connected to other family members with growing assets, thus creating a strong network of capital and resources. When there are several sources of income, opportunities for wealth creation become easier to create.

Related: The Unmasking the Strong Black Woman Workshop

2. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome stifles business expansion. For Black women with this complex, there’s the distorted belief that they shouldn’t ask for help. An aspiring entrepreneur with SBWS is often uncomfortable with asking for support—seed money, a referral, or child care support—because she considers it a sign of weakness or believes she can’t depend on anyone but herself.

Failure to speak up for what’s needed to expand a business cripples its growth. Period. In the event that an entrepreneur with this syndrome reaches out for help, it’s usually too late, and she loses out on key industry connections, slowing down the trajectory of expansion by years or creating less-than-ideal business agreements.

3. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome encourages impulse-buying and emotional spending. It’s a law of nature: whatever is repressed never goes away. Ever. In fact, when whatever is pushed down finally surfaces, it tends to explode with the same pressure with which it was forced to quell.

When a Black woman living under SBWS seeks an outlet for all of the emotional and financial caregiving she gives to others, it’s usually online, at a dealership, or at a mall. And usually, what she buys to comfort her soul and spirit isn’t cheap. The cost of the purchase can be in direct relation to the feelings of neglect, overwhelm and resentment.

In other words, the more pain she feels, the bigger and more expensive the reward.

4. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome models financial dysfunction and passes down a maladaptive money relationship to the next generation. When children observe financial martyrdom in the money behaviors of women in their lives, they emulate these practices as adults. Girls grow to be these women; boys grow up to marry them.

Related: Unmasking the Strong Black Woman: 16 Essays to Manage Emotional Health, Build Wealth, and Live a Juicy Life

As a personal finance coach, I work with adult Black women who, despite their age, continue to harbor rancor against their mothers for their current financial predicament. In a recent coaching session, a self-proclaimed “recovering Strong Black Woman” shared that she learned to take on a disproportionate amount of her household expenses—using all of her salary for bills and living in an unhappy financial silence in a rocky marriage— because she saw her mother do the same with her father when she was a girl.

The Strong Black Woman Syndrome is a racist and sexist archetype created to emotionally and financially marginalize Black women. It keeps Black women far from emotional happiness and financial wellness, thus limiting access to their full humanity. Beware.


http://www.thefrugalfeminista.com/4...&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=ReviveOldPost

very very interesting and a whole lot of truth.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member




Global performance management company Nielsen released its seventh annual Diverse Intelligence Series report today and you should definitely read it. The "African American Women: Our Science, Her Magic" report paints black women as trendsetters, brand loyalists and early adopters who care about projecting a positive image.

Nielsen unveiled the report, "African American Women: Our Science, Her Magic," during the 47th Legislative Conference alongside host Congresswoman Maxine Waters and the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation at the 2017 Congressional Black Caucus conference.

According to the report, black women’s consumer preferences and brand affinities are resonating across the U.S. mainstream, driving total Black spending power toward a record $1.5 trillion by 2021. Another major finding is that the number of businesses majority-owned by Black women grew 67 percent between 2007 and 2012, more than all women combined.

“Black women have strong life-affirming values that spill over into everything they do. The celebration of their power and beauty is reflected in what they buy, watch and listen to, and people outside their communities find it inspiring,” says Cheryl Grace, Senior Vice President of U.S. Strategic Community Alliances and Consumer Engagement, Nielsen. “Understanding how Black women’s values affect their buying decisions has long been a marketing necessity. Now, marketers must also recognize the intercultural influence of Black women on the general market as an increasingly vital part of how all women see themselves, their families and the rest of the world.”

The report analyzes how black women interact with technology, social media, television and also details the natural hair movement and projecting a positive image.

Check out some of the major takeaways below:

Independent and Self-made

64 percent of Black women agree their goal is to make it to the top of their profession (95 percent higher than non-Hispanic white women), and 58 percent agree that they don’t mind giving up their personal time for work (20 percent higher than non-Hispanic white women).

According to Nielsen's report, black women have an independent mindset that's present in her rising income, growing confidence and self-awareness. "Black women are not only redefining what it means to be a woman for
themselves, but are at the vanguard of changing gender roles and unlimited possibilities for American
women of all ages and races."

Social Media and Technology

Black Women over-index by 29 percent for spending 3–4 hours each day on social networking sites and by 86 percent for spending 5 or more hours each day on social networking sites.

Black women have embraced the social media movement #BlackGirlMagic, which empowers black women and encourages them to uplift each other and highlight achievements made by black women throughout the country. "Especially adept at using technology and social media to trade opinions and offer recommendations, black women (18+), more than any other demographic group, have taken social media and adopted it for higher purposes."

The report also shows that 43 percent of black women say they like to share their opinions on products and services by posting ratings and reviews on social media. "Whether they are buying cars, jewelry, smartphones or beauty products, the advice, referrals and feedback they receive from friends and community play an important role in black women’s purchases."

Trendsetting Consumerism and Consumption

62 percent of black women agree that they enjoy wandering a store looking for new, interesting products (10 percent higher than non-Hispanic white women).

Projecting a positive image is a sign of Black women’s aspirations and growing empowerment. Black women always have a desire for change, and this is part of the reason they're major trendsetters.

Projecting a Positive Self-Image

82 percent of black women agree it is important to be well-groomed, and 74 percent of black women agree that they eat right.

Black women empowering each other goes beyond supporting each other's events or giving compliments and posting WCWs on social media. Another aspect of black women's aspirations and growing empowerment is living a healthy lifestyle.

The natural hair movement in the U.S. is included in black women's efforts to make healthier choices. "Going natural, or forgoing chemical treatments to straighten their hair, is another way Black women may choose to safeguard their health and environment, while embracing their curly hair as it grows naturally." Nielsen's report shows that 60 percent of black women agree they buy natural products because they are concerned about the environment, and 46 percent agree they often use natural or organic beauty products."

Television

Black women (18+) spend more time watching live TV, listening to the radio and using multimedia devices than total U.S. women.

The top five most watched shows during the 2016-17 season by black women were Empire (FOX) The New Edition Story (BET), Star (FOX), The Have and the Have Nots (OWN) and Love and Hip Hop Atlanta (VH-1).

Environmental Causes

74 percent of black women agree global warming is a serious threat (7 percent higher than non-Hispanic white women).

Black women may have a more prominent voice when it comes to ecological sustainability than you realize. They're becoming more involved in the global movement and see saving the planet through the lens of guaranteeing clean air, water and most importantly safety for their own families and communities.

In short, the new Nielsen report basically supports what black people have been saying for years; black women are everything and they continue to have a major impact on everyone around them.

For additional data and to read the full report, download the report "African American Women: Our Science, Her Magic" from Nielsen's website.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member



A Hollywood Heroine: TLA’s First Magazine Style Editorial
By Cora Harrington September 11, 2017 in editorial, fashion, retro 7 comments
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Eleanor Almond Draped Back Gown and Vivienne Feather Capelet, both by Harlow & Fox

Vintage glamour never goes out style. Ashleeta Beauchamp models some of the most stunning retro looks the lingerie industry has to offer. Photography by Lars Kommienezuspadt. Makeup by Erika Reno. Hair by Miss Rockabilly Ruby. Styled by Cora Harrington, The Lingerie Addict. Photographed at The Kingsley House.

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Silk Simone Robe by Angela Friedman

While I don’t feel at all nostalgic for the 1950s, I have to admit that era, fresh on the heels of Dior’s “New Look” of 1947, includes some of the most iconic and visually impressive lingerie silhouettes of the century.


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Satin Soiree Bustier by Va Bien, Stockings by What Katie Did. Petticoat and Knickers, Stylist’s Own

Wasp-waisted girdles, frothy petticoats, dramatic robes, and sharply-pointed bullet bras were the aesthetic of the day, a far cry from the minimalist, lightly-structured underpinnings of both the early 20th and early 21st centuries. This was an age when lingerie was not expected to merely complement the figure, but to create it wholecloth if one’s outerwear required it.

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Padded Bullet Bra and Panty Girdle, both by What Katie Did. Hair Snood by Dottie’s Delights.

Though I prefer the considerably wider range of options we have available today, I also admire the structural engineering, the sense of “architecting” the body, that’s conspicuously present in lingerie from the mid-20th century. Ruffles, darts, gathered sleeves, lace insets…all these details require considerable attention, and collectively, they make quite a statement. It’s a beautiful legacy, and one I’m glad to see several modern day lingerie labels preserve.

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Dressing Gown by Boudoir by D’Lish. Knickers, Stylist’s Own.

Shooting an editorial like this – complete with model, photographer, makeup artist, hairstylist, wardrobe, and location – has been a longtime dream of mine. I wanted to plan a shoot that not only represented my point of view and perspective on what lingerie could be, but that also showed a potential glimpse of TLA’s future…at one of the many directions this site can go in. More than that, I wanted this editorial to feel inspiring, something that could transport you to a dream of lingerie. Here’s hoping it’s the first of many.


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Silk Velvet Dressing Gown by Layneau Collection. Cone Bra, Bizarre Girdle, and Stockings by What Katie Did. Bobbinet Corset by Morua Corsetry & Couture.

All garments are credited to their respective designers within the captions. My heartfelt gratitude and thanks to What Katie Did, Va Bien, Catherine D’Lish, Angela Friedman, Harlow & Fox, Morua Corsetry & Couture, Dottie’s Delights, and Layneau Collection for making this editorial possible.

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Harlow Bullet Bra by What Katie Did. Millie Girdle and Sheer Dressing Gown by Dottie’s Delights.
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
Right now people, it’s my privilege to inspire you to greatness
It’s my pleasure to help you conquer your biggest demons
There is one thing I can do to make your life change forever
And that is to stop you lying to yourself and make you see the truth



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

That’s it, and you must never forget it ever during your life
I will triumph when I feel like giving up
I will believe when there is no reason to believe at all

When anyone tells you that you can’t do it, smile at their ignorance of your glory
I will rise up and bring others with me along the journey
I will serve others for the greater good of this world
I will train my mind for that is where all of my success is hidden



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

I will understand that haters will always hate and I can’t please everyone
I will love everyone, even my enemies
Love will become the dominant force in my life
I will never let fear overtake me and consume my positivity
Weakness cannot prevail because I will not let it
I will be disciplined and practice the habits that I know are good for me
I will give up on addiction and replace it with a powerful meaning for my life



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

I will play the game to win and do it with every ounce of passion in my body
I will start saying no and only say yes to that which resonates with my soul
And I will create an empowering meaning from everything that happens to me
And I will love every moment, of every day because it’s a gift to be alive

I will push through every obstacle that get’s thrown at me
And I will find a way through when there seem’s to be none
When rock bottom strikes, I will use it to take myself to the next level
Life is beautiful
Life is a journey
Life is what I make it



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

To the left, I have my faith, to the right I have those that inspire me
And behind me, I have all the people I’ve left behind because of who I’ve become
And in front of me, I have all the people I’m going to meet as a result of my positivity

My mentors have given me everything they have and now it’s time for me to do the same
Never let them down, never let myself down
Keep my head up and my chest out
I will stand up straight and act as if I’ve already conquered my life dreams



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

Dream louder than everybody else
I will wear my dream on my sleeve
I will think about my dream day and night as if it’s the oxygen that keeps me alive
Your dream that’s linked to your life’s purpose will change your life
You have the power within you to change everybody’s lives around you



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

Negativity, purposeless: those are words I don’t understand anymore
I don’t understand selfishness
I don’t understand defeat
I don’t fail, I just learn from everything

What I do understand is this:

I understand my purpose
I understand I must love people
I understand that I can do whatever my mind can conceive
No matter how much mud get’s thrown in my face, I will rise up



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

The time is now
You’ve waited your entire life for this moment
These words were always inside of you, you just needed to be reminded of them
For these are not my words, but now yours to keep
These words are to be given to everyone you help



Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who says so? I DO

I will leave a legacy that’s remembered for generations
I will not let anyone or anything stand in the way of my mission
I will write the script that is my life from now on
I will never let anyone write my life’s story for me
I am in control
I am present and prepared to win
No one can get me down or keep me down
I can never be silenced
I’ve waited to feel like this my entire life
I was born to do something special that will be remembered long after I am gone

Because who the heck am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
And who says so? I DO

Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!
Who am I? I AM EXTRAORDINARY!



https://addicted2success.com/motivation/who-am-i-i-am-extraordinary/
 

Camille

Kitchen Wench #TeamQuaid
Staff member
Why I No Longer Entertain The Type Of Men My Body Type Attracts

I was in seventh grade when a boy in my class me told that I had a "stripper body" for the first time.



That alone instilled in me a slight sense of insecurity about the way I looked. All the other kids laughed, and I was ostracized for it. Back then, I looked up to entertainers like Aaliyah, Ciara, Alicia Keys, and Beyoncé. Then, representation for thicker girls was far and few between, with the exception of Miss Jill Scott and Ashanti. Still, growing up with womanly features was not something that was celebrated or met with flattery.

From my experience, there were always prejudices attached to young women with full figures.


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I've had boys lie and say they had sex with me as early as grade school. I can't say it changed much as I've gotten older. I've had guys lie on me in college and as recent as a year ago. (Note: I didn't say "men" because men don't lie about women they have or haven't slept with.) Because of the way I looked, the lies people told themselves and others were perceived as truths. My family was no exception.

Although my mom didn't give me the talk until she was certain, I know she had speculated long before I was "sexually active." And my dad, being a dad, made me buy baggy pants and oversized clothes that were nothing like what the other girls my age wore. Fast-forward, I'm in my mid-twenties and, most of the time, I'm still camouflaging my silhouette under the illusion of baggy clothes to keep from attracting the "wrong" attention.

As I'd gotten older I thought:

My body is something I should love unconditionally because it accentuates my beauty.




I should be able to dress in whatever way I want and how I please without having to consider the opinions of others. But I found that overcoming years of ridicule and self-consciousness was not that simple, and I could just as easily slip back into feeling self-conscious when paid one, single compliment about my figure.

I imagine those that tell me that I look good, and that I look like I went to Dr. Miami for my surgery, are doing so out of the kindness of their hearts. But it's not comforting. Popular opinion determined that being thicker is better. But years of being teased about my weight are not so easily forgotten. And years from now, when the body positive movement is a thing of the past, then what?

The body-positive movement is great, but I've had to focus more on being self-accepting as opposed to being societally accepted.





That means fully accepting myself regardless of your size, what's trending, and how others may view me. To overcome that self-consciousness that has been lingering for so many years, I had to learn self-ownership; that this body is my vehicle and I am always more than what meets the eye.

That means responding with compliments from others by paying it back.

That meant improving my self-talk and reminding myself that my self-acceptance is love.

And that love is unconditional.

Being mindful of this has led to a change in the interactions I have with those of the opposite sex.

I've learned that while I can't control what other people do or how they see me, I can control how I respond and how I view myself. Wearing that confidence has helped me recognize the difference in how men approach me and the "wrong" attention I get from the kind of guys my dad was so determined to protect me from. There's a huge difference in what boys do and what quality men do.



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Quality men know that a woman who has it knows she's has it.

And by "it," I don't mean a certain body type or look but a sense of self-worth and undeniable confidence. A quality man will require more than a nice body and a beautiful face to hold his attention, complimenting you on other flattering attributes. He knows that stimulating conversation is far more appreciated than empty compliments.

Fully embracing who I am in my entirety, leaves little room for self-doubt and insecurity. And that was an important first step to loving me for me. While changing the way I viewed interactions and interest from men was significant in changing my perception of my beauty and my worth, I had to come to terms with the woman in the mirror.

I had to love the thickness of my thighs, appreciate the way they rub together, rarely a part, and perpetually in a state of meeting. I had to love the width of my hips and the way my booty jiggles in sync with the cadence of my walk. I had to love the parts of me the world celebrated so easily, but the parts of me I deemed hard to love. I reclaimed them as aspects of me that make me feminine, womanly, a Queen.

Some days I’m still insecure, but there’s nothing as healing and reaffirming as the love I give to me. It's through that love and reclamation that I'm able to wield the sword of my true power.


http://www.xonecole.com/my-booty-is-real-so-are-my-lingering-insecurities/?page=2
 
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